Jen had told everyone that they could go home. She didn’t need anybody staying or helping. Matt had already been there most of the day with his mother who just left five minutes earlier. Chris and Shelley had been there since early evening. John, who had shared the drive in with Jen, had been designated to drive Chris and Shelley home.
Chris tried to talk to Jen into letting him stay. What would she do if something happened? But Jen insisted. She would be fine alone.
At 12:30am Jen walked into the room and began the night watch. The stench from the catheter engulfed the room, yet Tom slept peacefully in the bed. The sound of his breathing was calming, despite the struggle he endured with each inhale and exhale, for as long as she heard it, he was still alive.
The door to the room opened at 1:00am, and Matt walked in. He explained that they had decided, without Jen, that she would not be left alone. He had volunteered to stay and would be in the lounge if she needed anything. The hospital had reserved a room that was solely available for the family and not any other hospital visitors. The Drake family was so large that the normal lounge was too small to accommodate both other visitors and Tom’s visitors.
The next two hours crept by. Jen caught herself falling asleep several times. She would jump awake thinking that hours had gone by and that the breathing had stopped; only to find 1-2 minutes had passed. She paced the small room over and over. She searched through drawers and stacks of papers. She read Tom’s Bible and cards from various people. At times she was sure that Tom was progressively getting worse, but she also knew how active her imagination could be. She once thought she heard him call out Daddy. She assumed she was extremely exhausted. However, when it happened two more times with the names Maggie and Gracies, she knew she was overly tired.
Tom woke shortly before three.
“I want some…” He sputtered, unable to complete his sentence.
Jen jumped up knowing he wanted water. He struggled and was strangely incapable of sucking the water through the straw. This had not happened before. Jen instantaneously realized her imagination was reality. Tom was worse. She quickly left the room and asked the nurse for a spoon to put ice into his mouth. Once finished she left the room to find Matt. As Jen walked to the lounge, she was very happy that Matt had insisted on staying. She wouldn’t have wanted to be alone now.
She woke up Matt and asked him to check on Tom, and see if he thought he was worse than two hours ago. As they walked back to the room, a nurse stopped them with a phone call. Jen took the call and Matt continued to the room.
“Hello, “Jen answered.
“Jen, Hi, it’s Krissy. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I would call and see how Uncle Tom was doing?’
“I just woke Matt up because I don’t think he is doing well at all. He has only asked for water once in two and a half hours and he couldn’t even suck the straw. I have never seen him like that before.”
“Well, if I can’t get back to sleep maybe I’ll come down there.” Krissy replied.
“Yeah, please do. You can keep me company in his room. It gets awfully spooky listening to him breathing.”
“Okay, I’ll call back in the morning or I’ll come down in a little bit.”
Jen hung up the phone and looked at the clock in the nurses station, it was 3:20am.
Matt didn’t think that Tom was doing terribly worse. His words had a soothing effect on Jen. They both sat in his room. Jen took Tom's hand as Matt sat in the rocking chair.
At 4:20 Tom was drastically worse. He was in an exceptional amount of pain and didn’t recognize Jen or Matt. Jen asked the nurse to come in and give Tom more morphine. The nurse explained that she had given Tom one at 3:20 and was reluctant to give him anymore. Tom detested pain killers.
Matt asked Tom to squeeze his hands, to give him any kind of sign. Tom began to moan loudly and his eyes rolled back. He was gasping for air and moaning louder and louder in pain. Tom grabbed at his shoulder and rocked his body forward and backward, all the while bellowing out. Jen told the nurse she didn't care how much he disliked painkillers, give him one. It would be impossible to remain in the room if he was in that much pain.
At 4:51 Jen called her mother, Yaya, who was Tom’s sister. She answered after one ring, as if she had been waiting by the phone.
“Mom, I don’t want to alarm anybody but he is not doing well. He has had two pain killers in the last hour and is still squirming around in pain.”
“Okay. Do you want me to wake the rest of the family?”
“I don’t know. I feel like he is going to die but I don’t want to make everyone get up for a false alarm. I guess I just thought I’d update you and let everyone decide on their own.”
“Alright, I guess I’ll call around. Thanks, bye.”
Jen went back to Tom's room. He was even weaker, his breathing was sporadic and Matt explained that while Jen had been on the phone, there were 8-10 seconds when Tom didn’t take a breath.
“Matt, go call your mom. Tell her I have already spoken to my mom but he is already worse. Tell her to alert everyone. He is drying.’ Jen spoke very calmly, as if it was a simple task she was requesting from Matt, not a matter of life or death.
Jen sat by herself and replayed the night. She has noticed his lips losing color, his eyes sinking into his head, his skin turning gray, his body temperature dropping. How could she have not known? Why did she think she was imagining it all? His breathing was getting worse by the seconds. It was the death rattle she remembered everyone talking about when Grandpa Wally died. It was cancer that had killed her grandfather and cancer that was now killing her Godpapa. She prayed that the family would arrive in time. She did not want him to die without them.
Matt walked into the room.
“Your mom had already called my mother. She said they are alerting everyone and whoever wants to come is on their way or will be shortly.”
The next hour creeped by for Jen and Matt. Several times they thought they had lost Tom. At 5:23, 5:24, 5:39, 5:50, 5:53, over and over he would just stop breathing. They would beg him to start breathing again.”Please Uncle TOm, please just wait, everyone is on their way.”
At five minutes before six, Jen said to Tom “If no one has made it here by six, you can die, you can go to heaven. I’ll lead you to the door at six. But please just give them five more minutes.” When Jen was a child, she and Tom would play a game each time he visited and had to leave. He would ask her to lead him to the door to find his way out of the house. They made a game of it and Jen knew he would understand when she said ‘I will lead you to the door’. He used to sing loudly during the game ‘Lead me to the door, Jenny, lead me to the door.’
Miraculously his breathing became smoother, and as if by clockwork the family began to trickle in. At exactly 6:00am, Ellen, Matt’s mom, walked in with Luke, Matt’s brother. At 6:15, Bill and Chris showed up, two of Tom’s brothers. Then at 6:25 Alyss, Tom’s favorite nurse and Steve, his best friend soon followed. By 6:50 Nana, Tom’s mother, arrived with Yaya, Donald (Jen’s parents) and Uncle John. The room made a path forNana to take her side next to Tom. She held his hand while Jen sat on the other side of the hospital bed with Tom’s other hand. Alyss asked if anyone had told Tom he could leave now. Jen bristled a bit and felt Tom’s hand squeeze her hand as she snapped at Alyss and said “yes, he has been told and knows what is happening.” Carol, Chris’s wife, and their 3 daughters arrived shortly after 7. Krissy entered at 7:19am. Nick, Jen’s brother, ran in at 7:35 and 35 seconds later Tom died. Nana cried out in pain that no mother should lose her child.
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